The Asian Girl: A Journey Through Approach, Escalation, and Emotional Complexity
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I met Yu on the same site club I met that Filipina girl.
Yu was with her friend. It was just the two of them. They didn't look like the high-maintenance-shields-to-the-max groups I would often approach.
I approached them on the dance floor using the standard "How's your night going?" opener. This opener always worked well for me. I couldn't understand why so many in the community were so adamant about using specific canned openers when a simple greeting would suffice. But anyway.
They responded well. I chatted a bit with them, asking them how they like the place, etc. You might say I was having a typical nice-guy conversation. After a few minutes I left them so as not to be clingy, and went back to my wing Jason and chilled for a bit.
I returned to them once more a while later and they were just about ready to leave. I decided to close Yu, the more attractive of the two girls. She was a pretty and petite asian girl. I got her name and number and wrote it on a piece of paper. I thought that maybe her friend would get jealous and cockblock but it never happened. And besides, Yu was the one I was interested in.
The Contact Retrieval And Initial Connection
A few days later I called but it was a wrong number. But it didn't feel like Yu would give me a fake number. So I looked up her name on the university student directory. It was a good thing her name was so unique otherwise it would have been a lot of Jennifers getting a strange email.
I emailed her and told her that I called her but the number wasn't hers, so I looked up her email as I figured her name was unique enough that I could reach her that way. She wrote back saying she was cool with that and was happy to hear from me. She gave me her number and said I could call her if I wanted. It turns out I wrote her number down wrong the first time, getting one digit wrong. An easy occurrence in a loud club. When dating asian american women, communication clarity from the start can prevent misunderstandings and build initial trust.
I called her and we chatted a bit, talking a bit about the other night. I set up a time to meet her at the student center.
We met and chilled on the couches. I used a bit of cocky-funny with her, teasing her that she picked me up at the club, etc. Not too different from what I had used on Jody for the first get together. It was working well.
As it turned out, Yu had recently broken up with her boyfriend. A definite plus.
Building Attraction Through Teasing And Physical Escalation
It was a nice day outside so I suggested we go for a walk. I teased her a bit along the walk pretending to push her towards a puddle. This served to keep the tone light-hearted.
We went to the nearby park and sat on the benches. We sat real close. There was a nice sunset. That set the mood nicely. I was flirting heavily with her. She was very receptive. Slowly I moved in and began kissing her. She really got into it.
It was starting to get dark. So I suggested we listen to some music at my place. We got there and made ourselves comfortable.
I proceeded to get her hot and bothered on the bed. I figured there was a possibility it could go all the way and the signs were looking good so far. I managed to get her down to her bra and panties. I continued getting her worked up, rubbing her all over and kissing her neck and ears. I got her bra off. She had beautiful breasts. At that point she said, "Please, no more clothes off". I stopped there, sensing that I had gotten as far as I could. We got under the blankets and I guided her hand down and told her "play with it". She jerked me off. It was nice. But I had a bit of a mess to clean up after. I got her some paper towels so she could clean off her hands. I felt it was good to at least have some form of sex asap.
It was getting late, so she left. About a week later we set up another meet. This time we went to her place. She told me that this guy friend of hers told her that there is a 50/50 chance that I just want to have sex with her. It was a familiar cock-block. I told her that she was just having fun and that she should live her own life without caring what other people think. In situations like this it was encouraged on the forum to go straight for a girls sense of independence if she brings up stuff like that. That was stage one in dealing with resistance. The second stage was make her feel like she will lose you forever. But I hadn't reached that stage...yet.
Navigating Resistance And Testing Psychological Techniques
We watched a movie and got cozy on the couch. Afterwards we made out and got semi-naked. She was crossing thresholds she had never crossed before, with me. It seemed her relationship with her ex-boyfriend was sexually lacklustre.
I gently pushed again to have sex with her. But she stopped short every time despite repeated escalation attempts by me. I used the "Our World" routine I learned about on the forum, posted by Maniac High, where you tell a girl to think of you and her in one world, where it is just you and her and no one else mattered. Basic Speed Seduction stuff and also a pretty convincing argument because it is essentially true. It is just you and her and no one else should matter. It seemed to make an impression on her.
Not getting any further, I wound things down and date 2 ended. Even though we weren't having sex (yet) she was still good company and quite a bit more intelligent than most girls. Intelligence, as I would later realize, is a key factor in mate selection. Understanding how to date women outside the us including Asian women who prize traditional gender dynamics helped me appreciate that her hesitation came from deeper cultural values about relationships.
I figured it was now time to use some more drastic measures. I decided not to see her again for 2 weeks, making her wait an extra week to get together. I told her over MSN that I was too busy, saying it in such a way that she felt I was (maybe) starting to lose interest (not too different from the way some girls do to guys). This seemed to have an effect on her.
For the third date we went to her place again. I had condoms with me and I was ready. We got semi-naked again and got to that familiar point which was on the brink of sex. She resisted again to go any further. I told her it was okay to have fun with me right now as in a few weeks she would be on summer break and I would be finished grad school soon and out of the picture (a lie, but I said it to create a sense of urgency). I then told her that it was normal for me to want sex as I was a guy, and it was unreasonable for girls to assume male company and not allow them to fully express their sexuality if they like each other. She said we could still have lots of fun, even without the sex. I said yes, but it's not the same. I then did what's known in the community as a "freeze-out", where you start to distance yourself from her, and give her the silent treatment (ignoring her). This serves to make her feel guilty which should (hopefully) cause turnover.
The Paradox Of Success And The Therapist Trap
It seemed to work. She sensed I had started to withdraw from her and got more obsequious as a result. She said something about it being ok now. She took her panties off. I put on a condom and we had sex. It was a little awkward at first but it got better as I got more familiar with her body. She was really sexy in that dim bedroom light with a slim curvy body which was normally hidden beneath her clothes. Needless to say, I was very turned on by her.
We had a few sessions and she seemed quite happy. It must have been a barrier in her mind that she was glad I could help her overcome. She later told me that I really helped her open her eyes.
We met a few more times and the sex got pretty good. She was okay with it being a fling. She kept it a secret from her family, saying at one point "If my mom found out she would kill me!" There was a bit of a rebellious streak which I opened up inside her.
As the school term ended so did our time together, as expected. I was a bit sad to see her go. I got the impression I could have easily become her boyfriend if I wanted. But it wasn't my thing.
A few months later she messaged me on MSN. She was going through some difficulties with her new boyfriend and her ex, and wanted someone to talk to. Figuring it was alright I said sure. But in my mind I became her "therapist" which I later regretted, as it became my understanding that when a girl starts treating you as her therapist she begins to lose attraction for you, which is why seeking professional help for relationship issues is so important.
Months after that I saw her at the campus. She was very surprised to see me again, saying "You're still here!?" I guess she wasn't too happy to see me again. She seemed nervous, like a fish out of water. But I played it cool. We chatted for a few minutes, basic polite conversation, like two strangers who were at one point much closer.
