In those days having a good wingman was something I deeply wanted. I would often read these fantastic field reports and lay reports on the seduction forum, where a wingman helped secure the deal. It was usually something related to logistics or dealing with cock-blocks that made having a wingman a very valuable asset. It was also cooler to go out with your friends rather than go by yourself.
Jason, my wingman, was someone whom I felt was not really pulling his weight. It was usually me approaching and him finding reasons not to. He did a few approaches now and again but got discouraged quickly. He believed in having things planned out, quality over quantity, which was fine but there was also a learning curve he was unwilling to go through. This often meant that I was doing approaches by myself and then at the end of the night we would debrief on what "we" did. Ultimately it meant I had to get good at sarging solo.
The Weight Of Friendship Versus Dating Success
The times I went out with Jason I seemed to have mixed results. My motivation sometimes suffered with him around even though he was cool to bounce ideas off of. I didn't quite know how to tell him that when I sarged without him it seemed to be easier to pick up. The main reason I hung out with him was because we were friends to an extent, and it didn't feel right to put that below meeting women all the time. Just some of the time. Understanding how to balance selfishness and generosity in relationships applies not just to romantic connections but also to friendships that strain under the pressure of misaligned goals.
He wasn't the type of guy that was into doing a lot of approaches, and yet he would lust after girls the same as me. I would open groups of girls and he mostly wouldn't help me engage them in conversation, sometimes saying it was because I caught him off guard and he wasn't ready or that I dominated the conversation, or whatever. I felt he was making excuses. I also felt that maybe he wanted an easy ride. I would do most of the approaches and most of the work to get the social connections and he would enjoy the fruits of that. He also balked at having to do tons of approaches just to get one number or one lay. I used to look down on him for that.
Building Social Proof Without Relying On Wingmen
The way I compensated was by hanging out with Jason at the clubs and touch base with him on a regular basis between my approaches, which still gave me some social proof. The other thing I did (which didn't include Jason) was to talk to random people in such a way to get noticed more. Girls often couldn't tell that I was originally a stranger to those people I was talking to. So they often assumed we were there together. Girls would sometimes ask me: "Where are your friends?" So I had to tell them that I met those people that night and that we weren't together. When approaching a girl you don't know, being authentic about your situation is more valuable than faking social connections, as women can sense genuine interaction versus manufactured scenarios. To manage the stress that comes with solo approaches, it helps to remember that first date anxiety is normal and shared by most people in dating situations.
